Opiniatrety

I'm fairly certain that I've been to Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Virginia, and I might have been to Maryland or Vermont... but I have no real memories of these places. I'm sticking to states about my time in which I could tell an anecdote.

Does it have to be an interesting anecdote? If "I rented a car in Spokane and drove down to Pullman" doesn't count, I might have to edit my list.

Hm, your list isn't showing up in my browser and I bet it's some HTML trick that I don't know how to fix.

Well, I can post it myself. (Offer good for limited number of commenters only.)

Does it have to be an interesting anecdote?

Harry Chapin said of, I think, Watertown, NY, that "I spent a week there one afternoon."

New time-wasting challenge! Tell a one-sentence anecdote for each state you have visited!

Arizona: picked up Hopi radio station in vicinity of Grand Canyon
California: had best line in a crummy low-budget movie
Connecticut: discovered that campus legends about Yale buildings are eerily similar to campus legends about Harvard buildings
Florida: trapped in Orlando airport for eighteen hours
Georgia: crossed racial barriers by getting haircut in black-clienteled barbershop
Hawaii: drove a rented convertible into a ditch twice in 24 hours
Illinois: got married in a Catholic church
Kentucky: sought out "Thomas Edison House"... where Thomas Edison lived for about a year
Louisiana: saw a bearded transvestite in a bar
Maine: have vague memories of driving tours with family
Massachusetts: demonstrated that Avogadro's number is about 7 * 10^23
Michigan: accidentally given vast Presidential suite by Detroit Marriot, politely ignored daily efforts by hotel computer to check me out again
Minnesota: played miniature golf course at modern art museum, each hole an "installation" by different artist
Missouri: from top of Gateway Arch, observed that large former TWA building still said "TWA" on it
Nevada: failed to win $2 million when robot truck crashed after 22 miles due to software bug
New Hampshire: rented a minivan in Manchester to transport a bunch of undergrads to Boston
New Jersey: got sunburned at beach
New Mexico: drove through the most torrential rain I have ever witnessed
New York: went to jujitsu tournament
North Carolina: had some pizza in Chapel Hill
Ohio: listened to Triumph the insult comic dog on radio while unsuccessfully looking for Wright brothers' birthplace
Oregon: bought great Robert Graves short story collection at Powell's, giant used bookstore
Pennsylvania: flew across country to give talks there four times; on two occasions, actually got to give talk
Rhode Island: had clambake
Tennessee: had some barbecue in Nashville
Texas: inspired mime teacher who adapted my piece into his own routine
Utah: won BYU trivia tournament organized by Ken Jennings, future Jeopardy superstar
Washington: escaped being prankishly thrown off the side of a boat because I was wearing my Microsoft employee badge

Those are verb phrases, not sentences. And, you bastard. I don't think I have that much time to waste right this second.

When I do, we should call it a meme and start tagging people.

My map.

I don't think it's legitimate to count as "having been to" a state unless you either (1) have bought a six-pack in that state, or (2) have taken a shit in that state.

(I wish there was a way to cancel the implicature from that sentence to: "Matt, please tell me about your rest stops as you drove through all those states.")

But two of the places I actually have lived go out of their way to discourage you from buying six-packs. Taking shits is still, for the moment, legal.

I am disappointed that you have failed to take up the challenge!

I now recall that I have, indeed, been to Virginia, although telling a good anecdote is difficult.

Virginia: got lost on an Army base

Finding myself with a block of internet-ready time, I will now take up the challenge. "Good" anecdotes, however, you will not be getting. "Got lost on an Army base" is a lot better than a bunch of the ones I have.